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The true meaning of his great work of prophecy. As interpreted by Merry of Cheltenham
And transcribed by her faithful scribe Panikos

Estant assis de nuict secret estude,
Seul reposé fus la selle d'airain;
Flambe exigue sortant de solitude
Feit proferer qui n'est à croire en vain.

Sitting alone at night in secret study;
it is placed on the brass tripod.
A slight flame comes out of the emptiness and
makes successful that which should not be believed in vain.

I am making some coffee on a bunsen burner while I make up this crap

La verge en main mise au milieu des branches,
De l'onde il moulle le limbe & le pied,
Vn peur & voix fremissent par les manches,
Splendeur diuine, le diuin pres s'assied.

The wand in the hand is placed in the middle of the tripod's legs.
With water he sprinkles both the hem of his garment and his foot.
A voice, fear: he trembles in his robes.
Divine splendor; the God sits nearby.

I try and stir it with a pencil, but spill hot coffee all over the place and curse loudly as it burns me.
The TV in the corner is showing a rerun of Jesus Christ Superstar

Quand la litiere du tourbillon veree,
Et eront faces de leurs manteaux couuers,
La Republique par gens nouueaux vexée :
Lors Blancs & Rouges iugeront à l'enuers.

When the litters are overturned by the whirlwind
and faces are covered by cloaks,
the new republic will be troubled by its people.
At this time the reds and the whites will rule wrongly.

It's another windy day in Belfast.
These pills I bought from the guy in the pub are making me feel odd.

Par l'vniuers sera fait vn Monarque,
Qu'en paix & vie ne sera longuement,
Lors se perdra la piscature barque,
Sera regie en plus grand detriment.

In the world there will be made a king
who will have little peace and a short life.
At this time the ship of the Papacy will be lost,
governed to its greatest detriment.

Elvis will snuff it.
Pope Jean-Paul will have a panic attack in the bath because he can't find his rubber duck and toy boat.

Chassez seront sans faire long combat,
Par le pays seront plus fort greuez :
Bourg & Cité auront plus grand debat
Carcas, Narbonne, auront curs esprouvez,

They will be driven away for a long drawn out fight.
The countryside will be most grievously troubled.
Town and country will have greater struggle.
Carcassonne and Narbonne will have their hearts tried.

'Let's have World War 2
(I predicted WW1 some time ago, do keep up)
France will not want to get involved but that's typical'

L'il de Rauenne sera destitué,
Quand à ses pieds les aisles failliront,
Les deux de Bresse auront constitué,
Turin, Verseil, que Gaulois foulleront.

The eye of Ravenna will be forsaken,
when his wings will fail at his feet.
The two of Bresse will have made a constitution
for Turin and Vercelli, which the French will trample underfoot

'I'm not flying on Ohio airlines again
Even though the stewardess had a large pair
There are marks on the Shroud and I want to know
Which Frenchman stomped all over it?'

Tard arriué l'execution faite,
Le vent contraire, lettres au chemin prinses
Les coniurez quatorze d'vne fecte,
Par le Rosseau senez les entreprinses.

Arrived too late, the act has been done.
The wind was against them, letters intercepted on their way.
The conspirators were fourteen of a party.
By Rousseau shall these enterprises be undertaken

'The bloody postman opened my mail again
He shared out my postal order with 14 mates and they blew it down the pub
His name was not really Rousseau but it sounded more poetic than Smith'.

Combien de fois prinse Cité solaire,
Seras, changeant les loi barbares & vaines
Ton mal s'approche, plus seras tributaire,
Le grand Hadrie recouurira tes vaines.

How often will you be captured, O city of the sun ?
Changing laws that are barbaric and vain.
Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Hadrie will revive your veins.

'What a crap summer we have had
I wish they would change the cannabis laws
In the meantime I will settle for a blood transfusion'

De l'Orient viendra le cur Punique,
Facher Hadrie & les hoirs Romulides,
Accompagné de la classe Libique
Trembler Mellites, & proches Isles vuides.

From the Orient will come the African heart
to trouble Hadrie and the heirs of Romulus.
Accompanied by the Libyan fleet
the temples of Malta and nearby islands shall be deserted.

A lot of bloody foreigners are nicking the sunbeds nowadays
Malta is SO passe, I will go to Barbados now my Aunt has died'

Serpens transmis dans la cage de fer,
Oú les enfans septains du Roy sont pris
Les vieux & peres sortiront bas d'enfer,
Ains mourir voir de son fruict mort & cris.

A coffin is put into the vault of iron,
where seven children of the king are held.
The ancestors and forebears will come forth from the depths of hell,
lamenting to see thus dead the fruit of their line.

'My Aunt snuffed it and I had her stuck in with my uncle
That was cheaper than having a new hole dug
I hope he isn't cross about it cos he was a tricky bugger.

Dans peu dira fauce brute fragile,
De bas en haut, efleué promptement,
Puis en intant desloayale & labile,
Qui de Veronne aura gouuernement.

There will soon be talk of a treacherous man, who rules a short time,
quickly raised from low to high estate.
He will suddenly turn disloyal and volatile.
This man will govern Verona.

'Well, Tony Blair turned out to be a devious bastard
I won't be voting for him next time
Wonder if the Italians would like him'.


Faux à l'Eƒtang, ioint vers le Sagittaire,
En ƒon haut auge & l'exaltation,
Peƒte, famine, mort de main militaire.
Le ƒiecle approche de renouation.

A scythe joined with a pond in Sagittarius
at its highest ascendant.
Plague, famine, death from military hands;
the century approaches its renewal.

'I was really stuck for a subject today
So I just made up any depressing old crap that sounded a bit cryptic
After all it IS New Year's Eve and I got ratted.'

Par quarante ans l'iris n'apparoistra.
Par quarante ans tous les iours fera veu
La terre aride en s
iccite croistra
Et grands deluges quand sera apperceu.

For forty years the rainbow will not be seen.
For forty years it will be seen every day.
The dry earth will grow more parched,
and there will be great floods when it is seen.

Maybe I overdid the drink yesterday cos I had nightmares
I have one hell of a hangover this morning and I'm thirsty
And I had a bit of an accident in the night.'


Le mouuement de sens, cœur, pieds & mains
Seront d'accord, Naples, Leon, Secile.
Glaiues, feux, eaux, puis aux nobles Romains
Plongez, tuez, morts par cerueau debile.

The motion of senses, heart, feet and hands
will be in agreement between Naples, Lyon and Sicily.
Swords fire, floods, then the noble Romans drowned,
killed or dead because of a weak brain.

Italy will host a breakdancing competition on the shores of the Mediterranean
Pity about the tidal wave


Les exilez par ire, haine inteƒtine
Feront au Roy grand coniuration :
Secret mettront ennemis par la mine,
Et ƒes vieux ƒiens contr'eux ƒedition.

Through anger and internal hatreds, the exiles
will hatch a great plot against the king.
Secretly they will place enemies as a threat,
and his own old (adherents) will find sedition against them.

I made this one up cos my crystal ball cocked up today
And it seemed a likely bet


De genƒ eƒclaue chanƒons, chants & requeƒtes,
Captifs par Princes & Seigneurs aux priƒons,
A l'aduenir par idiots ƒans teƒtes
Seront receus pour diuins oraiƒons.

From the enslaved populace, songs, chants and demands,
while Princes and Lords are held captive in prisons.
These will in the future by headless idiots
be received as divine prayers

And yea verily! there will be football fans singing on the terraces
'Hoo-way, hoo-way, hoo-way hoo-way'
Out of their skulls on Carling Superstrength

Mars nous menasse par sa force bellique,
Septante fois fera le sang espandre,
Auge & ruyne de l'Ecclesiastique,
Et plus ceux qui d'eux rien voudront entendre.

Mars threatens us with the force of war
and will cause blood to be spilt seventy times.
The clergy will be both exalted and reviled moreover,
by those who wish to learn nothing of them.

Wild female horses will trample all over us
And people will say 'oh God!' a lot

(I said MARES, the translator buggered it up)


to be continued

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updated 21-Nov-2004 10:22 PM