Seen on Quora

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Thu Jun 22, 2023 2:05 pm

The signs were there..

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Mon Jun 26, 2023 8:54 pm

What is the name of the type of eclipse that involves the Sun moving in front of the Moon?

Apocalypse.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Thu Jun 29, 2023 9:27 pm

What makes a person boring?

Last week I purchased a particularly nice 24 piece set of pale blue plastic Tupperware containers. It was financially reckless of me but they were in a 25% discount sale. Also it IS summer, can I not let my hair down a bit?

I brought the pack home and arranged the containers on the kitchen table in descending size order, using the bubble sort algorithm. It was at this point I discovered to my delight that there must have been a labeling error at the factory, for there were in fact 26 pieces not 24! I nevertheless felt obliged to check my excitement and call up the manufacturer to warn them of a potentially serious commercial oversight.

I spent the next three hours carefully labeling each container and placing them inside one another, testing the interplay between each and writing down the best stack combinations, scoring them out of 10. Two containers in particular have a very impressive flush when the smaller is pushed into the larger. I was in fact so impressed by this that I took said containers to work the following day to show my colleagues this particular example of fine plastic manufacturing.

But they just weren't that interested, I think it's because they have kids. It's having children that makes a person boring I am afraid. When you have children you don't have time for Tupperware anymore.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Thu Jun 29, 2023 9:29 pm

At the pub

I was sitting in the pub with my mate the other day.
I pointed to two old farts in the opposite corner and said "That'll be us in ten years."
The mate said "You pillock, that's a mirror."

dianakc · Post by **dianakc** » Fri Jun 30, 2023 9:16 am

eccles wrote: ↑Thu Jun 29, 2023 9:27 pm What makes a person boring?

Last week I purchased a particularly nice 24 piece set of pale blue plastic Tupperware containers. It was financially reckless of me but they were in a 25% discount sale. Also it IS summer, can I not let my hair down a bit?

I brought the pack home and arranged the containers on the kitchen table in descending size order, using the bubble sort algorithm. It was at this point I discovered to my delight that there must have been a labeling error at the factory, for there were in fact 26 pieces not 24! I nevertheless felt obliged to check my excitement and call up the manufacturer to warn them of a potentially serious commercial oversight.

I spent the next three hours carefully labeling each container and placing them inside one another, testing the interplay between each and writing down the best stack combinations, scoring them out of 10. Two containers in particular have a very impressive flush when the smaller is pushed into the larger. I was in fact so impressed by this that I took said containers to work the following day to show my colleagues this particular example of fine plastic manufacturing.

But they just weren't that interested, I think it's because they have kids. It's having children that makes a person boring I am afraid. When you have children you don't have time for Tupperware anymore.

I completely relate to this tupperware appreciation, but I also have a child. Does that make me twice as boring? Probably.

Furby · Post by **Furby** » Fri Jun 30, 2023 9:42 am

I only have a set of 3 blue tupperwares. 24 sounds ambitious and wouldn't be many of a useful size would there stacking 24 inside. Ice cream used to be free tupperwares once ice cream eaten but they changed the shape to be high lids and less tub space so can't do that now but I still have some old ones.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Mon Jul 03, 2023 7:44 pm

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sun Jul 09, 2023 12:39 am

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sun Jul 09, 2023 3:50 pm

If evolution is true then why don't humans look like apes or monkeys?

If creationism is true, then why don’t humans look like dirt?

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Mon Jul 10, 2023 3:55 pm

Okay, so... a few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Ballycastle man answered his door to find two grim-faced Coastguard officers...

"We're sorry Mr. Grover, but we have some information about your wife".

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Mr Grover asked.

One officer said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Grover said, "Give me the bad news first."

The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"This is Mental!" exclaimed Grover. What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 60's, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch."

Stunned, Mr Grover demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied...

"We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sat Jul 15, 2023 6:10 pm

What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

An eminent English doctor is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full
of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness

He asks the first patient how he feels. The patient replies:

“Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my
airm.”

The Englishman is confused, so he just smiles and moves on to the next patient.

The patient responds:

“Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae
meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit.”

Even more confused, the eminent doctor moves on to the next patient, who
immediately begins to chant:

“Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle.”

Now seriously troubled, the eminent doctor turns to the guide and
asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”

“Nay,” replies the doctor, “This is the serious Burns unit.”

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sun Jul 16, 2023 10:44 am

I asked a supermarket worker where they kept the canned peaches. He said, "I'll see" and walked away.

He never came back. When I saw another supermarket worker, I asked him. He said, "I'll see" and walked away. He never came back either.

I got tired of waiting and started looking up and down every aisle. I finally found them.

They were in Aisle C.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sat Jul 29, 2023 8:35 pm

You have the power to pull the lever saving 5 people from a runaway train causing it to move to the other track where there's one person tied. What would you do and why?

I saw an amazing lateral solution to the trolley problem on YouTube.

A little girl was playing with her Thomas the Tank Engine set and her mum set up the problem, placing one doll on one track and a few others on the second. The girl pondered it for a second, before picking up the single figure and placing it with the others.

Then she made Thomas run over all of them at once.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Mon Jul 31, 2023 12:56 am

.. and not to be outdone by OC's parallel "as seen on.."
I was quite proud of this personal effort being upvoted, only twice but it's a start.

Donald Trump is a son of Scotland, so why do the Scottish show him scorn?

Dan Eccles
Retired IT systems specialist Jun 6

Because he’s a pillock.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Fri Aug 04, 2023 10:13 am

Do atheists believe in love, why or why not?

Um, yes. What's love got to do, got to do with it?

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Sat Aug 05, 2023 3:19 pm

How does King Charles III compare to other British monarchs?

For one thing, he is much more alive than any earlier British monarch, which I guess is a difference he considers very important..

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Tue Aug 08, 2023 10:58 am

Sometimes the funniest posts are unintentional misspellings:

Which number is the best in foorball field?

Foor.

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Mon Aug 28, 2023 11:49 am

I was having a meal in an Indian restaurant. I was just finishing up and thinking about getting the bill when this little old lady came up to my table. She said: “You are such a lovely boy, with beautiful manners. You are a credit to your mum and dad.” Then off she toddled.

I said to the waiter: Excuse me, but who was that?

He said: Ah yes sir: that’s your complimentary nan…

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Tue Aug 29, 2023 2:53 pm

Fred meets his his friend Bill.

Fred’s jacket is filthy and stinks.

Bill says to Fred ‘ what happened to tha’ jacket ,lad?

Fred replies ‘ I was emptying t’septic tank down Cookson’s farm and me jacket fell into’t muck.’

Bill says,’ why did tha’ bother. It’s reet old.’

Fred says , ‘ True, but me sandwiches were in’t pocket.’

eccles · Post by **eccles** » Wed Aug 30, 2023 7:07 pm