Dik has just emailed me. He will be along later.
okay uncle eccles i can manidge thankyoo verie mutch.
sum peeple. still he is geting old so i shud make alowenses. 
ennyway helo all and sory abowt being away last weak.
president chirac dusent like peeple speeking english. he was in a european meeting and a french bisness leeder got up and startid talking in english. mister chirac sed wye arnt yoo speeking in french. the man sed that english was the internashunal bisness langwidge. mister chirac walked owt. mister chirac, bisness is all abowt numbers and sums of muney and like it or not the french numbering sistem is a joke. ime ok at basic maffs but sophie tride to ecsplane french numbers to me wunce and i was lost.
uncle eccles talkin about his mising disk drive the uther day reminded me. i bawt sum dvds on the web resently but thay dident arive. so i cald them up and thay had a caler sistem that sed pleese be payshent there are x number of peeple in the cue ahed of yoo. wen i got to a reel person i sed pleese wate thare are three deelers in the cue in frunt of yoo. it wus a joak but she dident laff just sed are yoo thare? ennyway i got the dvds evenchewally.
adwaita is the name given to a tortoise in calcutta zoo. the name meens the only wun wich is cool becus the highlander films sed thare can bee onlie wun and highlander was imortel and the tortoise wus verie old. he had a 175th berthday bash last year but now he has dide aged 250. doant ask me ware the other 74 yeers went. sientists will carbon date his shell to find owt.
takin of oldies a bus werker cald arthur winston in the usa has retired after 76 yeers on the buses. he is 100 yeers old. i think the bus terned up evenchewally.
jaques chirac wunce drove a fork lift truk in the usa. so wye woant he speek english in europe? i no americans tawk diffrent to us english but its not that diffrent is it? ime shure sumwun can help him lern. as fer me i think hese a bit of a prat becus he thinks us english cant cook wich is daft. the curry howse around here is bril.
I saw an old frend from skool this weak. he had the nikname of brains. but its kwite a twistid waye that he got it. yoo see hese turkish. his reel name is kaushick wich is pronownsed cow-shik. take that to enny skool and it soon chanjis to cowshit. wich then became shit-fer-brains. and becus he was kwite clever and dident give a dam abowt niknames it jest got shortend to brains. hese doin alrite in his ferst yeer at oxford doin cemistree. cor posh er wot?
the man hoo inventid paypal has bilt a rockit. he wants to put satilites in spase with it. payloadpal? nope it went rong wen he lawnched it. it was cald falcon but it falked off.
the forin ofis hav a black list of plases ware british peeple shudent goe. baghdad or kabul maybee but france? yep. thares lots of protests abowt the goverment changis to thare employment laws. the french dont want that. thay want to go back to the seventies wen thay wer lords of europe. sory mates. yoo got poland and the czecs and all the rest now. bummer aint it?
remember fuggers werkmate jim that i menshund befor? he came owt with fugger and me last weak end on the local pich and put golf corse that got opened for spring. nun of us are enny gud at golf so we just mesd abowt. but jim kept showtin three wenever he hit the ball. he sed he wusent gud enuf to showt fore. he wus rite thare.
ennyway fugger and jim wus telin me. jim wus sat down at his desk at wek tryin owt his hand at obityewerrys and a feeld mowse ternd up at his feat and he pikd it up. he jest lookd daft wen the boss asked ware the mowse came from. i meen a mowse in a funeral parler is bad news. but jim new his animals and sed it wus ok as it was a feeld mowse and it jest strayed in to get warm and wudent have chewd the stiffs. fugger sed the boss went mad at jim calling the ded clients stiffs. ennyway jim scoopd it up and put it owt the back ware there was sum plants and stuff and it ran away and hid. i sed hese like docter dolittle. fugger sed more like docter do buggerall.
later.
dik.
Still reading, but rolling up at "three dialers in front of you" 
They would be lost by that as it is not on the script.
There was a website on call centres, I lost the link now they had a flow chart where you could ask the call centre personal questions about their toothpaste and trivial stuff before answering their questions.
And I bet french kids don't have trouble with easy sums like 4 * 20 + 17.