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Aries March 21-April 19
You will have a blazing row today with your partner at 2.35pm. It will be all their fault as usual. To enhance your karma you must explain this to them in great detail.

Taurus April 20-May 20
Your pet doggy 'Cuddles' will pee on the new rug you bought yesterday at Harrods for £149.99. If you don't own a dog called cuddles it is vitally necessary that you get one immediately or you will upset the order of the universe and Hard-Facts will not be responsible for the consequences.

Gemini May 21-June 21
Today you will discover you have a long lost identical twin who will be exactly like you except for the following characteristics:
They will be charming, intelligent, good looking and witty.

Cancer June 22-July 22
You need to pay your credit card today and the shirts at the cleaners are ready.

Leo July 23-August 22
A good day to give up your job and look for new opportunities.
Be sure to tell your boss how badly he has mistreated you over the years.
You may find this link useful www.gullible_employment_agency.com

Virgo August 23-September 22
Your sign is in cusp so today is uncertain for you.

Alternative 1: You will meet a tall dark rich stranger who will sweep you off your feet. He will eventually marry you and devote his/her life to your continued happiness.

Alternative 2: You will spend the day watching soap operas and eating far too much chocolate. You will gain 3 pounds and develop a nasty boil on your nose.


Libra September 23-October 22
As a member of the fairest of all the signs you will shine in all that you do. You will be cool and calm in all circumstances and invariably say just the right thing.
As always you will be wise and just in all your dealings. Your flair for tact and diplomacy will cause you to be immmensely popular.
Your natural charm will cause women/men (*delete as applicable and according to mood) to fall at your feet in admiration.
Any disagreements today will be beyond your control and entirely the other persons fault due to their lack of understanding.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Buy a lottery ticket right now and you are sure to win. However the prize will be shared by 2,456,732 other Scorpians

Sagittarius November 22-December 21
A good day to learn archery. You have a natural inborn ability to do this so there is no need to practice. Simply fire away in the knowledge that any injuries to others will be due to their star sign.

Capricorn December 22-January 19
Today is the day to realise your full potential. Find a rainy hilltop and stand there holding the longest metal rod you can find and shouting "go on I dare you"

Aquarius January 20-February 18
Learn to swim today. What kind of aquarian are you anyway?

Pisces February 19-March 20
Today you will go fishing, but catch no fish at all due to the huge crowds of other Piscans doing the same thing. You will break your rod and fall in the mud and then be stepped on by lots of like minded people
Well, blazing row wasn't with partner, but BT are taxing my patience at the moment (small p notice - for those that notice these things)...... They have broken our ISDN llink to the world so our netowrk to head office is fscked and so are the office phone lines. It brok about 13:33 and I have been on the phone off and on to them during the afternoon.

Oh well......

The must be something to this astrology lark after all  :ohwell
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the new rug you bought yesterday at Harrods for £149.99


Crikey, have  Harrods got a sale on??

merry rushes to catch the bus
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Sagittarius November 22-December 21
A good day to learn archery. You have a natural inborn ability to do this so there is no need to practice. Simply fire away in the knowledge that any injuries to others will be due to their star sign.

Do you think spear chucking and archery will be transposable in this horoscope?   :huh
I'm a Piscean. I will NOT be trodden down in the mud. The reason for my assertive attitude is that the first point of Aries now lies in Pisces. But the reason for that is Astronomy, i.e. precession of the earth's axis, not Astrology. Ner ner!!
Well Clever Clogs.

You did not predict I would win 34 pounds on the lottery did you?
Furby! what can I say. I thought you would enjoy the surprise so I didn't mention it. I was so pleased for you though and will be even more pleased on Sunday 16th October 2011 :D

Well said Eccles and the science of astrology allows for a certain 'lattitude' in these matters.

Patience, spiritually speaking sending sharp pieces of wood at a target (or enemy) is all the same so I'm qute sure that will work too. :)
Oooh.

Is that when I get made redundant and go straight onto my works pension.
Yes and two months later you get up at your normal time of 11am and find a letter informing you of your €12 million lottery win. I predict you will be so happy you will want to share it with all those old friends on HF.
What happened to Andy Pandy?
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