Female Ariens should be very careful this afternoon as at 4.15pm your knicker elastic will snap while tackling a particularly difficult chocolate bauble left over from christmas.
Horse owners should be extra kind to their mounts as they may have been saddled with extra debts this week.
Make time today to check that none of your xmas presents have moving parts packed in grease.
I mean it! "beware of grease bearing gifts"
Lucky Marsupial - Wombat Lucky bus - Number 37 =============================================================================== Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The signs all point to you having a wonderful holiday this week. Unfortunately the road signs all point to Milton Keynes.
Your fortune can go down as well as up.
On a shopping trip next wednesday you will harrassed by a roving band of canvassers. Throw a few opinons to your left to distract them while leaping to the right and hiding behind the forlorn looking xmas tree. If they spot you try and look like a tired fairy.
Lucky Opal Fruit - Green Lucky wood join - Dovetail =============================================================================== Gemini (May 21-June 21)
At 10.00am you will view the company accounts and find vast improvements.
At 10.05am you will realise that your monitor is upside down!
At 10.10am They will come to take the monitor away.
Late tonight you will be visited by the cutest little pixie. He will offer to wave his magic wand and give you three wishes.
This morning you will meet a tall, dark man whom you know extremely well. He will ask you to marry him. Only agree if you are the Vicar.
Just when you are feeling down this morning a bus will pass bearing the message "Don't worry" In fact three of them will pass you at once.
Beware of aggressive tortoises between 2 and 3pm.
Lucky fruit - Mango Lucky snake - python =============================================================================== Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
at 11.23am you will phone the Moroccan National Tourist Office. Unfortunately all five million Leos in the UK will attempt the same thing jamming the Moroccan telephone system. The Moroccans will interpret this as an act of war and invade Milton Keynes. No one will notice.
This evening two men will break into your house. one will steal the legs off of your piano. The other will be holding a clipboard and taking notes.
Lucky tree - Willow Lucky elephant - Indian =============================================================================== Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You'll lean on friends and family members this week....
.....Slowly drowning them all as the boat capsizes.
You will take a trip to the zoo only to realise that all the animals are staring at you and taking pictures.
Keep in mind that All is not lost
Mr Frederick All lives at 12 pricklewood gardens and knows precisely where he is.
Lucky Amphibian - Alpine Whistling Tree Frog (beware of the 8inch razor sharp teeth) Lucky Casserole - Ragout =============================================================================== Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
It's possible to get through life without good looks or brains. But this week you will find it more of a strain than usual
Lucky fruit - a banana
You will feel an urge to better yourself. Start with night classes. 'Banana peeling for beginners' perhaps?
Scorpios may experience difficulty handling fruit this week. It is worth picking up a dropped banana or chasing a reluctant grapefruit if you can do so discreetly. Under no circumstances ask for help "because I've lost my cherry"
While shopping in Regents Street with a close friend you will be chased by a hungry tiger. Keep in mind that there is no need to outrun the tiger. Only to outrun your friend.
Good news for musical Sagittarians After a long week of stress with so much left undone, a chance encounter with an off course MOD missile will clear your ToDo list entirely.
A good time to take harp lessons.
In your case it is ok to borrow lots of money and not be concerned about annual interest rates.
You will fulfil a lifetime dream on thursday when you fill all your pockets with banknotes. These and a stout cardboard box padded with copies of the 'Big Issue' should keep you warm through these winter nights.
You will meet a strange man wearing a trilby hat. Do not agree to buy his gerbil.
You may find yourself bored at work this week. A good way to relieve the tedium is to phone colleagues in a feigned and sombre voice and invite them to the personal dept "to discuss your future with the company"
While walking in the park a squirrel will offer you a stock market tip in exchange for your nuts. Do not agree.
You will feel ignored by colleagues who will be strangely distant all week. All the callers you deal with will seem confused and hostile.
On Thursday you will realise that you have been getting off on the wrong floor and don't actually work for this company at all.
Lucky Allergy - Conjunctivitis Lucky Porcupine - African Brush-tailed. (these are friendly creatures and love nothing more than to be hugged by those visiting them for the first time) ===============================================================================Ohhh. That's why my carefully chosen banana is bruised, the tiger stepped on it. And then the butterfly landed in my fantolioni bowl and has pitched a tiny tent on the bread crumbs. My indiscreet friend returned my lost cherry to me however, so I've decided to become a virgin saint in retrospect. The week in review wont be a total loss. This will be good news in the year 2007, where I've decided to reside, since my retirement account still has money in it there.I don't believe in horoscopes but I read these from beginning to end. Miss Tick, you have a rare gift!
good news in the year 2007, where I've decided to reside, since my retirement account still has money in it there.
