Sun lights locust trees Against autumnal blueness Gloriously goldenBetween wild mushrooms And line-caught spiced fresh sea-bass We were the chosen.Wind, rain, white horses Gallop across storm wracked bay I sit by the fire
Ok I took a little liberty with the form, however I think it still counts. I could change it a bit, but I think it is weaker
Wind, rain, white horses Gallop across storm grey sea I sit by the fire
Or is it?
What do you all think?Sorry, couldn't resist it; another couple for your delight and delectation...
Storm crows shriek at wind tearing their nests from the trees. Hurry home for tea
Sun paints pale colour struggling through half ragged cloud Frost edges the world
Do tell me to shut up if they aren't good enough Oh, we've got the world's first Virtual Poetry Slam ongoing. These are nice.
I shall guard the door against Vogons, shall I?I don't think it is a first Asy, we have had similar here before
Anyway here is another to keep you going...
Children hurry home Collars turned against the wind Leaves crunch under feetThese are lovely!
I like the evocation of scents with the spiced sea-bass 'we were the chosen'
and the surprise of the 'locust trees' i Hags' one that started it all:
and Ron has a gift for Haiku, always has had, always glad when he shares one with us:
Wind, rain, white horses Gallop across storm grey sea I sit by the fire
I prefer that version because I like the picture, in such short poetic snapshots, enhanced by colour.
Would it be even better if it were 'gallop over storm-grey sea' - ? I say so most tentatively - am not sure - it may be because I am too crude for the delicacy of Haiku and just try to put rumpty-tumpty rhythms in everywhere! over is better with the storm grey sea
I like the word wracked though and across makes more sense with that
