Once upon a time there was a very lonely parsnip.
He sat sadly on the shelves in Tesco, among all the other, bigger, finer, less spindly less withered parsnips.
"Who would choose me?" he thought. "After all I am the feeblest, smallest, spindliest parsnip of them all. No-one would be silly enough to buy me. All the others will soon be par-snipped up. It looks as if I will be all alone for Christmas."
(pause for tears and a burst of Mud: lone-leeeeeee thisssssssss christmassssssss) 
Just then the Tesco picker whisked past with a list in his hand. It read:
Merry's List
1: Large sack finest freshest plumpest parsnips....
"O dear!" exclaimed the Tesco picker. "There are no sacks of parsnips left. I know, I will make a clever Substitution!"
His hand reached out and snatched up - the Brave, Lonely Parsnip. The other hand slapped a label on his one spindly prong - wrapped twice round his meagre root - 21p. Into the trolley went the BLT.
"Oh Joy!" exclaimed the BLT, doing a little parsnip dance on his spindly whiskery leg. "Merry will be so pleased when she sees me!"
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A Happy Ending 
We are hlding a family lottery to see who gets the one chunk of roast parsnip with their turkey.
I'm sorry about your parsnips, Merry! We're going to have mixed roast veg at some point in the next few days - roast onions (ordinary and/or red), garlic, potatoes, sweet potatoes, courgettes, parsnips and sweet peppers, roasted in olive oil with salt and pepper and hot paprika - maybe your Brave Lonely Parsnip would make friends with some other vegetables that way?
Awww that is a sad story. I feel quite ashamed that I 
when I read it.
Can we see a picture of the BLP before it gets sent its death.
I feel sorry for the poor little thing now.
Can you keep it as a pet and nobody eat it.
He has vanished.
This has turned into quite a mystery.
Is it an amusing shape? Maybe STPD has entered it in a competition.
The Lonely Parsnip has travelled back to London with STPD after being discovered naked and shivering huddled at the back of the fridge.
He wil be lunch tomorrow.
STPD and the Very Lonely Parsnip:
Well, I now understand why you called the parsnip a 'he'.
And a sorry looking specimen he looks too. Did you get around to eating it?
STPD took him back to London with her, rather than us face the trauma of fighting over him on Xmas Day.
Maybe she will post a review of the taste and texture of his matchstick slivers.