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Remember Cyril Fletcher who used to pen an Ode every week?

I heard a news story that sponge is to be phased out at certain primary schools because it is so dangerous - full of fat and sugar and so on. We had sponge about three times a week at my school in various guises and it amuses me to realise the narrow escape I had from such a deadly substance.

Sp here's my ode to the villainous stuff.

Ode to Sponge

Our armies marched on Sponge you know
Fuelled by sponge and brandy
And if the cannonballs ran out
The sponge came in quite handy.

Yesterday alas died Fred
His last words wheezed out from his bed
'It woz the sponge wot done for me
I only got to ninety-three.'

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Sponge is indeed very dangerous and all the unused sponge is now going to be sealed in capsules made of spent uranium for safety.


I hear that bread and jam may go the same way. This may face opposition from religious leaders though who remember that jesus was known to feed people bread on occasion

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Wonderful verses!      

Over on this side of the Pond, Virginia lawmakers have taken chocolate milk out of the school lunch program. [though they added it back in when nutritionists told them they were being stoopid.]

Next is a move to outlaw potatoes.

All of this is idiotic. And nutritionally unsound as well.

And meantime, playtime outdoors was a political liability, with a math teacher organizing a game of kickball.  No, you have to have a Physical Education Instructor, which job is no longer in the school budget.

So it goes. Le sigh.  

Here you go:

Food Fight

Chocolate milk was gone last year,
But now it's back, or so we hear.
Potatoes are the next to go.
The school board flings food to and fro.

They ditched the class called gym, we see,
It costs too much with a PhD
For a coach to teach the kids to move.
A lesser class they couldn't approve.

To get them off their rears to play
Costs more in taxes day by day.
And so the students sit and grow
Wide [I've said enough, you know?]

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 brilliant!



I am afraid you may have Jamie Oliver to blame for the chocolate milk ban.  We sent him over there when we got fed up with his meddling to help you with your kid-feeding just like he helped us with ours, and I seem to recall one of the first things he did was ban chocolate and strawberry milk from the poor little first-graders' lunch choices.

And I quite agree about the sitting and growing wide.  They police lunchboxes over here and remove home-made cakes and insist on only fruit at break-times, meanwhile kids grow bigger and fatter all the time.  When I was at school..... we looked forward to our daily mid-morning snack choice of jam doughnuts or iced buns. We were all thin as pins, mind you we did have to cycle miles to school in all weathers and play enforced netball and climb bars and things....  QED!

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Both excellent odes. The sponge one reminds me of dwarf bread which in times of strife on Discworld can be used as ammunition.

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I couldn't sleep a few nights ago so I started writing musical style songs about African island nations. They have music too but I can't sing for the life of me so the lyrics will have to do.

1. "Cape Verde" (the big belter of the show)

I'm moving toooooo Cape Verde!
I'm flying there a weeeeeeeek on Thursday!
It's Verdant! Veridian! And very very something-!
Else! That sounds like Veeeeerrrrde.
I'll listen to Verdi
I'll play the Hurdy Gurdy
When I! Move! To Cape Veeeeeerde!

2. "Sao Tomé and Principe"

Sao Tomé and Principe
Is not a well known country
but would give you a fine victory -

If you were to play a game
Where you had to name
Countries with "and" in their name.

But if you're a beginner
Then a potential winner
would be Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Sao Tomé and Principe
Certainly not nippy
Unlike the Mississippi

Colonised by Portuguese
Ex leader - De Menezes
According to the BBCs





Oh hang on, you wanted topical odes, I thought you said tropical odes

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tropical versus topical, much of a muchness!

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Wergh werghy wergh werghy wergh wergh
Wergh werghy wergh werghy wergh wergh
Wergh werghy wergh werghy
wergh werghy wergh werghy
Wergh werghy wergh werghy wergh wergh

Well, if the cat can do it then so can I.

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That was, err,  delightful, Eccles    

... and extra so because it pointed me to Xoco's amazing ode which I had previously missed

I couldn't sleep a few nights ago so I started writing musical style songs about African island nations.

... as one does    

Brilliant  

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